How Your Relationships Mess With Your Health (and Why That’s Weirdly Normal)
Relationships can light you up, calm you down, or flip every stress switch in your body before breakfast.
And while you might think that tension from a tough conversation stays “emotional,” your brain disagrees. To your nervous system, emotional instability is a threat, which means it is physiological threat. The same circuitry that once kept you from getting eaten by a tiger now fires because someone left you on “read.”
Your Brain: The Overprotective Bodyguard
Your brain’s first job is survival, not accuracy. The limbic system - especially the amygdala - constantly scans for danger. When it senses threat (a harsh tone, a cold silence, or the ghost of an argument), it activates your sympathetic nervous system.
That means:
Heart rate increases (ready to fight or flee).
Digestion slows (because who needs lunch when doom is near?).
Cortisol and adrenaline spike, priming your muscles and sharpening your senses.
Great for escaping predators, but terrible for relationships. Chronic activation of this stress response can disrupt everything from immune regulation to hormone balance - which is why prolonged relational stress often shows up as fatigue, migraines, IBS, skin flare-ups, or insomnia.
The Cognitive Circus Behind It All
When emotions run high, your prefrontal cortex - the part that handles reasoning and perspective - temporarily goes offline. That’s when the mental acrobatics begin:
Cognitive Dissonance: When your partner’s behaviour clashes with your belief (“They love me, but they just hurt me”), your brain panics. It can't hold two truths, so it either justifies or rewrites one.
Confirmation Bias: Your mind selectively highlights proof that supports your side. Suddenly, every forgotten text becomes Exhibit A.
Memory Distortion: Under stress, memories are stored in fragments - the hippocampus struggles to organize events clearly, so later, your brain fills in the gaps. Sometimes generously.
Overconfidence: Meanwhile, your brain’s reward system loves the certainty of “I’m right.” Even if it’s wrong. It’s dopamine’s idea of a good time.
These biases evolved to keep you efficient, not objective. Your brain just wants a cohesive story - not necessarily the one that’s most true.
How It All Impacts Health
Prolonged emotional tension keeps your stress hormones on repeat play.
That affects:
Sleep cycles: Cortisol and melatonin become frenemies.
Digestion: The gut-brain axis (connected via the vagus nerve) misreads safety cues - cue nausea, cramps, or IBS.
Inflammation: Chronic stress alters immune signalling, leading to pain flare-ups or fatigue.
Hormones: Stress hijacks the endocrine system, throwing off oestrogen, testosterone, and thyroid balance.
It’s all connected because your body doesn’t just listen to your mind. It observes it.
So, What Can You Do?
Regulate before you relate. Breathe deeply, stretch, or take a short walk. You can’t reason your way through conflict if your body still thinks there’s a sabretooth in the kitchen.
Check your internal narrator. Ask, “Is this what’s happening, or what my brain thinks is happening?”
Practice co-regulation. Calm tones, steady eye contact, and touch can deactivate the threat response faster than logic ever could.
Laugh more. Humor releases endorphins and oxytocin - your brain’s way of whispering, “We’re safe again.”
Sleep, hydrate, and eat. Stability in your body builds resilience in your mind.
Final Thought
Your relationships affect your health because your nervous system eavesdrops on every emotional shift. When love feels safe, your physiology hums in harmony. When it doesn’t, your body braces for battle.
So the next time you feel your shoulders inching up during a tense chat, remember it’s not weakness - it’s wiring. Your brain’s just trying to keep you alive… even if it’s barking at emotional mailmen again.
And if in doubt about what is happening, this blog post on attachment styles will give you much needed answers 🤗